11/10/2025 “Dating and Autism, Tips for Success in Finding Love and Companionship” By Kaylee McGrath

Opening Statement:

Dating as an autistic person (or just as a neurodiverse individual in general) has its challenges because it can feel like the risks for misunderstanding and rejection are high. Autistic individuals may be a bit more sensitive and specific with their needs, but that doesn't mean we are any harder to love. The key is knowing what to pay attention to. Understanding the importance of things like communication, sensitivities, physical touch, and special interests can help a lot whether you are autistic yourself or someone falling in love with an autistic person.

Information and Facts About Autism Spectrum Disorder:

·       The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders categorizes autism as a neurodevelopmental disorder marked by social and communication differences as well as behaviors that fall outside of neurotypical expectations. These differences in brain function can make the experience of dating and finding a romantic partner a lot different from that of a neurotypical individual.

·       These experiences are even exhibited on popular shows like Love on the Spectrum and Atypical, which prove that finding love when you are autistic is very possible, it just might take a little extra intentionality.

·       Many studies show that autistic adults are less likely to be married than allistic adults (AKA, someone who isn't on the autism spectrum), though barriers to diagnosis and study limitations make it difficult to determine exact numbers. However, when surveyed, many autistics who want to be in romantic relationships report challenges in this area.

·       Autistic people are more likely than non-autistic people to be asexual or aromantic (meaning they do not experience sexual and/or romantic attraction) However, autistic people who experience sexual and romantic attraction often report challenges in these relationships.

Here Are Some Good Suggestions to Follow in a Relationship with an Autistic Individual:

Make Time to Process Emotions

·       Sensory sensitivities for autistic people do not just manifest through sight, sound, taste, scent, and touch. Many autistic people also experience emotions very intensely, and it can create challenges in processing, regulating, and expressing what they are feeling. This can lead to tension as romantic feelings are often very intense, especially in the early stages of a relationship.

·       It has been recommended by mental health professionals that taking things slowly to allow space for managing these big feelings. As dating can be an emotional roller coaster ride, with high hopes and expectations, taking it slower can help partners communicate needs with each other and take a step back when they need to ensure that they have the space to process emotions in a healthy way.

Understand Their Special Interests

·       Autistic people might find they connect well with partners who share their special interests.

·       If you are the non-autistic person in the relationship, you need to be tolerant when your partner gets hung up on things that you don't find important. There's usually a reason why they need to share.

·       For mixed-neurotype couples or for those who do not share special interests, sharing their partner’s special interest can help them connect: Sometimes it can be fascinating to learn about your date’s interests and share about your own.

·       However, challenges can arise if one partner is heavily focused on their special interest and the other partner is not attentive to this. It can be overwhelming to hear your partner talk about their interest at length, and even non-autistic people can get overstimulated. It is okay to take breaks when you need to. Use open and direct communication to express this need.

Communication Is Key for Both Partners

·       Communication is important for any couple getting to know each other, and this can be particularly challenging for autistic people.

·       Flirting that includes subtle nonverbal cues or verbal double meanings can easily be missed or misunderstood

·       Autistic people whose partners are not autistic can experience differences in communication styles, referred to in research as the double empathy problem.

·       Non-autistic people often use hints, tone, and subtle cues to communicate a message, which many autistic people do not pick up on.

It is Very Important to Pay Attention to Sensory Sensitivities

·       Many autistic people experience sensory input differently than non-autistic people, often being more in tune with certain stimuli to the point that they experience distress or overwhelm as a result. This can include becoming overstimulated in environments with a lot of sound and activity, much like many traditional “date” settings like restaurants, concerts, and other social gatherings.

Some of Us Love Touch, Some of Us Don't

·       Autistic people can be more sensitive to physical touch compared to non-autistic people. This can manifest as discomfort with physical touch or a stronger need for touch. Even if both partners are autistic, they may have opposite needs and comfort levels around physical touch. It is important to clearly communicate boundaries and needs, with ongoing discussion about what each partner is ready for and comfortable with.

Coping with Change

·       Autistic people often need routine and predictability, making it difficult to cope with change. This comes from a need for safety. This can feel inflexible to a non-autistic partner who wants to be spontaneous, and we can never guarantee that plans will not change.

·       It is important to honor routine and spontaneity so both partners' needs are met. There are even ways to incorporate both so it doesn't have to be one or the other in any given situation

·       It is helpful to have a “Plan B” in place in case original plans do not work. That way, autistic people that value routine can mentally prepare for this alternative when needed.

·       Having a plan for texting if they’re late helps avoid the problem of anxiously sending multiple texts that come across as excessively needy.

·       If you get stood up (it does happen), this doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Plan how long to wait and then what you will do instead of the date you thought you were going to have. Make it something fun for you that you can do on your own. Knowing that you have a backup plan does help.

Closing Statement and Final Thoughts:

While autistic people can experience challenges in dating and romantic relationships, open communication and understanding of individual and unique needs can reduce anxiety around this process. If you are autistic, know that you can find a partner who understands and meets your needs but it may take a while to find him or her. If you are not autistic, you can extend compassion to your partner and help them be comfortable in your relationship. If you are autistic, know that your needs and communication style are valid.

For myself being diagnosed later in life at age 27, with having both Autism and ADHD, I am still finding my place, comfort zone, and trying to find my person. I didn’t start dating until I was 23 years old, so my late start I feel, has hurt me. It has been difficult for me trying to navigate the expectations of men, overcoming the battle of revealing my diagnosis, explaining my other disabilities, not fitting in, and the worst is getting through a date without it being an interrogation. Not many men understand my challenges, nor want to.  Most of my dates never go past a third date. I honestly hate dating apps…but unfortunately this is how my generation goes about dating and trying to find someone to build a relationship with. As the old saying goes…it is, what it is!

Source of Information: Various Google Searches, Printed Publications, Personal Experiences, and Opinions

Until Next Week, Stay Safe and Well!