11/17/2025 “Why Is Dating with ADHD So Difficult?” By Kaylee McGrath

Opening Statement:

In recent years, much has been written about how to be in a relationship with someone who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). But what about the challenge of finding love when you have ADHD yourself? Of course, the suggestions on how to maintain a healthy relationship with ADHD are helpful, but then a lot of us are just trying to survive the first couple of weeks/months with dating someone and trying to see if the relationship can go further into something meaningful for both individuals. For most of us who received their ADHD diagnosis in adulthood, may soon recognize their own patterns of behavior within past relationships, leading to a better understanding of why certain relationships didn't last. For myself, this realization was both enlightening and discouraging. While it is nice and comforting to have a diagnosis, you’re then suddenly left wondering if anyone will ever truly love a neurodivergent person like me or you. The answer is obviously yes, but research confirms that individuals with ADHD often face lower relationship satisfaction especially when their symptoms are poorly managed. If you have both ADHD and Autism things can be even more complicated as symptoms will interfere and mimic each other.

Additional Information and Facts:

·       Dating with ADHD is often marked by the distractions of dating apps, hyper-fixating at the start of a new romance, and emotional ups and downs as a relationship kicks off.

·       It goes without saying that ADHD isn't always to blame, but having a better understanding of which tendencies apply to you will save you a lot of romantic conflict and ultimately help you feel more confident in your search for love.

Listed are some breakdowns that might be helpful:

The Delights and Risks of Dating Apps

·       I’m sure everyone can agree, you don’t have to have ADHD to hate dating apps, but they can be uniquely punishing to those who do. At a first glance they are a blast, exciting, playing perfectly into the ADHD brain’s need for variability. Every swipe and new match trigger a burst of dopamine (dopamine is a neurotransmitter, a chemical messenger in the brain), but before you know it, you have twenty new matches, seven conversations going on at once, and you've made plans for four dates in one week.

·       This behavior is common for everyone, but the amplification of the ADHD brain's difficulty focusing on any one thing, or person, it can be a slippery slope. Dating apps reward distractibility, and when a person with a short attention span is spread too thin, it can be very difficult to be fully present for anyone you’re interested in. But the tug of war between wanting a relationship and wanting to lean into the stimulation of serial dating is never ending.

·       Everyone should live your best single-person life and experience all that dating culture has to offer. Just be mindful of your goals if you’re also learning to manage ADHD.

Some Recent Studies by Phycologists

·       Individuals with ADHD may be more likely to impulsively swipe people who they otherwise wouldn't if they paused first. It also takes a fair bit of attention to detail and memory to move from chatting on the app to meeting in person.

·       It can be hard to keep different people straight and not start mixing up details.

·       Because people with ADHD seek excitement, there is always the thrill of who's behind the next swipe, making it hard to commit to someone who is actually a pretty good fit.

·       Some individuals might think, I’ve outgrown the casual dating lifestyle, now I will only match one or two people at a time until I am ready to commit to someone.  That thought process mixed with ADHD can throw a wrench in your efforts, and you must pay attention to your symptoms throughout the process, hyper-fixation in particular.

Hyper-fixation and Dopamine

·       When it comes to textbook ADHD symptoms, hyper-fixation is high on the list. ADHD brains crave stimulation and dopamine, and when they find something that gives them that spark, they cling to it.

·       Hyper-fixation usually manifests itself as a new hobby, a certain meal, or a topic they’ve researched but it can also present as hyper-fixating on a person.

·       From the moment you match with someone cute on a dating app, this hyperfocus can start. You get the initial rush of dopamine that comes from learning someone is interested in you, then once you start chatting with them—and there's a promising connection—you're hooked.

·       It's tough for people with ADHD to move slowly in a relationship because their brains are just so delighted by the way a new relationship makes them feel.

·       Moving quickly in a relationship isn't always a bad thing, but when you fixate on someone too strongly during the infatuation phase, it can lead to several challenges.

The Relationship Between Dopamine and ADHD:

We All Wish the Honeymoon Phase Would Never End

·       One of the biggest patterns people with ADHD tend to experience with new relationships is an unexpected loss of interest. We all know the phenomenon of the honeymoon period, where everything feels like bliss before we settle into a routine, but for people with ADHD the end of this period can feel a lot more intense.

·       Some of us have been there with the feeling of riding the wave of hyperfocus and infatuation with a new person, but once the rush of stimulation starts to wear off you either feel frightened and ready to move on to another interest. You start think too much and then feel compelled to jump ship and move on.

·       Being in love should always feel special, but at the end of the day, we want someone in our lives to make us feel supported, grounded, and appreciated—not eternally buzzed.

·       The ADHD brain is always seeking novelty, so it can help you to do novel things with your significant other to keep your brain associating them with newness.

·       People with ADHD should work on building awareness of this tendency and take note of dopamine highs and lows within their relationships. Just because there’s a lull in excitement doesn't mean something is wrong.

Why Is Dating with ADHD So Hard?

Emotional Dysregulation

·       Another key symptom of ADHD that often impacts relationships is emotional dysregulation, or the phenomenon of feeling things much more strongly than neurotypicals and frequently in an overwhelming way.

·       Dating and falling in love is an intense experience for anyone, so when you factor this symptom into the process, it can create some unexpected hurdles.

In the Early Stages

·       First emotional dysregulation shows up in the earliest phases of dating when you’re still going on first dates and just trying to get to level one with someone. For example, you’ve been texting a match for a week or two and are riding that initial dopamine rush.

·       Then, out of the blue, they stop responding. You impulsively send five, paragraph-long texts oversharing your feelings and trying to understand why they vanished after you'd had so much fun. You're crumpled in the corner weeping, shocked that someone you barely knew could make you feel this way.

·       Some people with ADHD generally feel their feelings more strongly, tend to wear their hearts on their sleeve, and tend to act on them more. This can make someone a lot of fun when things are going well but can cause big strains on the relationship when the feelings being expressed are anger or frustration.

·       It feels terrible to be ghosted by someone you liked, but the emotional pain, coupled with rejection sensitivity dysphoria, is often too much to bear for a person with ADHD.

·       Dating today is a marathon, and it can be incredibly draining to endure such highs and lows repeatedly.

·       Emotional dysregulation is also very common further along in the relationship.

·       An ADHD person’s highs, lows, and general sensitivity usually become more apparent once they start to let their guard down with their new partner.

Closing Statement and Final Thoughts:

No one should have to fear losing a partner over their disorder, but it’s important to try and meet your partner in the middle. It is best to maintain an open dialogue about how your brain works and pay attention to your triggers. Your efforts won’t go unnoticed. This all comes down to an accurate diagnosis and management of ADHD is very important. Fortunately, the current society effort to broaden awareness of the disorder is lifting some of this burden since the normalization of ADHD behaviors fosters more compassion and understanding. There is also the reality of getting diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood and the importance of disclosure and self-acceptance. Anyone with ADHD knows we are only skimming the surface of how neurodivergence impacts the process of dating and falling in love. But in the end, even after you have recognized your tendencies and are trying to avoid making the same mistakes again, you will always be you, and that's just fine. Remember that ADHD tends to reveal itself, especially if someone isn't managing it well. Unfortunately, the other person may make the wrong assumptions about what the behavior means as in, someone who runs late may be seen as uncaring. Just remember that not everyone is going to like you (if that’s the case, who needs them anyway), and if anyone breaks up with you because of your ADHD or any disability for that matter, they weren’t worth it to begin with.

Source of Information: Various Google Searches, Printed Publications, Personal Opinions and Experiences

Until Next Week, Stay Safe and Well!