Opening Statement:
This week I decided to focus on an article about people like me who have various learning and intellectual disabilities, processing disorders, Dyscalculia, Dyslexia, and other types of hidden/invisible disabilities that are NOT on the Spectrum or have ADHD. For years now I have been trying to find my place and comfort zone on, “Where Do I Fit In” and honestly, I haven’t found my place yet. By no means am I trying to understate or minimize those who have other forms of disabilities, e.g. various mobility, blind, deaf, Down syndrome, Williams syndrome, Autism, ADHD, or a mental illness. I feel strongly that because of the types of hidden disabilities I have, they are not widely spoken about or publicized where people can often read information, become familiarized, and knowledgeable about.
Understanding Various Hidden Disabilities
· When you have a processing disorder like me, very often it takes me/us a while to find our words, and respond/communicate back to others in conversations. It also compromises the correct order of detailing information back to people and where this issue may find others having difficulty to keep up or understand what you are trying to communicate to them. This problem makes people uncomfortable, impatient, and eventually either intentionally or unintentionally dismisses you as being stupid. Simple tasks that people take for granted like cleaning a room, apartment/house, running various errands, or daily work-related responsibilities can be difficult on how to start a project and complete it, can be overwhelming, and adds to anxiety.
· A learning disability does not mean a person is stupid, it just simply means we learn differently, slower, need redirection, and sometimes prompts/reminders. I know for myself when I’ve achieved proficiency with learning something, I own it! But unfortunately, getting there is that huge mountain that I need to clime until I master it. That is where the disconnect happens with others. If someone doesn’t understand or respect about learning disabilities, they put you in a box of isolation and prefer not to associate themselves with you. That stigma does unfortunately spread to others for the simple reason of not being well informed about learning disabilities.
· Having Dyscalculia is totally embarrassing and extremely difficult for me. For those who don’t know what Dyscalculia is…it is a math disability like Dyslexia but with numbers, understanding and doing elementary math, understanding money, distinguishing currency, time management, understanding time, visual spatial relationships, larger/smaller values, and distance/depth perception. Nothing is more awkward to me than trying to pay for something with cash, either coins or paper currency, and the worry of, will I receive the correct change back. Not being able to know when to leave my house to get somewhere on time. How much time will it take me to start and complete a project, and meeting deadlines.
Out in Public and How Others Perceive You
Being a person with various hidden disabilities, it is challenging for me to go to restaurants, order food, read overcrowded menus that are above cash registers, ordering and paying for my items quickly, and saying what I want to order with a clear and projected voice. It is even more difficult for me to admit that I’m usually afraid and anxious going to various places, and I am extremely awkward in social or work-related settings. With my speaking very slowly and softly, what people think of me and their lack of being kind and understanding, once again contributes to my anxiety and depression.
Difficult Situations I’ve Been In
Since being an adult, so far, I’ve had two very uncomfortable and embarrassing situations happen to me out in a community setting. Once in a hotel lounge/restaurant in Florida and the other incident at my local Barnegat Dunkin Donuts just a few weeks ago. Listed below is what I would like to share:
· After a very long day of visiting with my grandmother in a Florida Hospice, my parents and I, along with my aunt, went to the hotel we were staying at to get some dinner at the lobby restaurant. We needed to wait for a table, so we decided to have a drink at the bar. I guess someone at the bar noticed I was very quiet, had to repeat several times to the bartender what I wanted to drink, until my father took over and ordered for me. I wasn’t making any eye contact to the bartender, and refused to answer any of the men at the bar that were trying to talk to me. My father was sitting directly next to me and said to the men that I was very shy and wasn’t intentionally being rude. By the time our table was ready, we sat down with menus, two Ocala Police officers showed up asking for my dad to get up and follow them to another area because they needed to question him, due to two different 911 calls from hotel guests. It was stated that the guests were concerned about a young girl dressed up, (I was wearing a sundress) looked and acted very uncomfortable, and they suspected sex trafficking prostitution. After 20 minutes of my father and the hotel manager being questioned, providing ID’s and other information, and being told I have a disability, they apologized to my father and said he could return to the table.
· Early in March this year, my father took me to Dunkin Donuts to get an iced latte and some munchkins. As usual, that Dunkin Donuts was out of munchkins, so I had to look at the menu above the cash register to order something else. For most people doing this, is easy, but not for me. I felt the person behind the counter was getting very impatient with me as well as not understanding what kind of latte or size I wanted. The impatient look on her face, her eyes rolling, along with turning around and whispering to the other worker made me feel even worse and awkward. My father ended up ordering for me, paid for it, and we left. When we got home, since it was a beautiful day, I decided to go for a walk. My parents told me when I got home that they were disturbed by an extremely loud knock at the door along with multiple doorbell rings. My mom said when she opened the door, she saw three police cars and the officers began questioning whose gray Honda was in the driveway, was that person at the Barnegat Dunkin Donuts, and was that person in the home? Long and short of the story is…once again someone called 911 to have the police check to see if a young female was being a victim of sex-trafficking. My mom was able to clear things up by telling the police officers that the man was my father, I have a developmental disability, and there was nothing wrong. Still a report was filled out and IDs provided.
Why am I Discussing These Unfortunate Incidents?
Simple reason…Most people can’t understand what they cannot visibly see! If someone is in a wheelchair or uses other walking devices, wears a hearing aide, uses a walking stick or a service dog, has noticeable facial features of Down or Williams Syndrome people know that someone has a disability. Even if a person is non-verbal due to low functioning Autism, being overly awkward, flapping hands, or outspoken, people could figure out someone is possibly on the Spectrum. As many people have said to me…” You Look Normal” there is no way you have a disability. Those are the types of people who think too quickly, assume you’re in danger, or you are just plain stupid. It is very unfortunate that there is little information for people to read about various hidden disabilities like what I have, unlike the well-publicized information and media coverage on Autism, ADHD, Down Syndrome, etc. That is why I don’t know “Where Do I Fit In” and I hate being in the socially unknown box.
Closing Statement on My Thoughts on Inclusion and Accessibility:
I don’t always personally agree with “Inclusion” because I do not like to be pigeon held into that box. It really shouldn’t be the non-disabled against the disabled, we all should be accepted as humans and individuals. Additionally, I do not use my disability as being the center/focus of my personality. I truly believe I am an individual who participates in society in a positive way, contributes to our economy, the workforce, and in the arts. Although, the disabled community and our advocates have come a long way in necessary improvements with inclusion and accessibility, having our needs met and our acceptance will never be entirely fulfilled to what we need them to be because most people don’t find it important to them. Starting with our government officials, politicians, large companies/industries, the disabled community is not on their daily agendas or radar as a continued effort to make things better for us either in the workforce, or in social community settings. As far as accessibility, yes, the disabled community needs more assistance and improvements in many areas of traveling, internet, various online portals, more access to voice commands, touch screens, etc., just to name a few. Looking even more deeper and further than the disabled community, so do our elderly Americans need more help! We also need more acceptance and opportunities in the workforce, by means for training to find paid jobs, competitive earnings, and successful gainful employment. We need the freedom and the chance to be part of making a difference for our future disabled Americans and to provide them with the opportunities in both the workforce and in society that we don’t currently have. To reference the meaning behind my blog topic, we all need a place to fit in and I’m still searching for mine!
Source of Information: This article is 100% my experiences, thoughts, and opinions. Feel free to comment, message me, if you disagree or support my opinions.
Until Next Week, Stay Safe and Well!