This week I would like to offer my thoughts of being an only child with a disability. It was this specific issue and worry that recently led me down a horrible dark path of depression and anxiety. I needed to take a leave of absence from my job for several weeks just to seek help with a therapist to get me through this dark time.
As everyone knows there are pros and cons with being an only child, or having siblings no matter if you have a disability or not. My father has eight siblings and my mother is the youngest of four children, with now having only one living sister.
I heard all the funny and not so funny stories from both my mom and dad, as well as stories shared by some of my cousins and friends. They did all share, even if all siblings do not get along, when it comes down to needing a brother or sister to provide advice, and support, siblings are normally there for each other. I saw first-hand when my father’s parents passed away how all nine children supported each other and came together with arranging all plans for the funeral service, discussed financial matters, and provided emotional support. When my mom’s mother passed away it was just her and her sister doing everything and it was sad to see living so far apart from one another took emotional strength to get through all the planning. I would like to note that both my father and mothers’ side of the family, have no siblings with a classified disability other than depression and stress issues. Yes, being an only child has its advantages but more disadvantages to say the least.
Listed below is my short list of fears once my parents pass away and I am alone:
1. Who will help me with all the arrangements for my parent’s funeral
2. Who will help me settle their final financial matters, selling their property, cars, etc.
3. How will I be able to fill out my yearly paperwork to continue my services and healthcare needs
4. Where will I live, and live independently
5. Will I be able to handle my financial obligations/needs and budgeting my money
6. Will I be able to earn enough money and support myself when my parents are deceased
7. If I get sick, who will take care of me in case I never marry, have children of my own, or in a meaningful relationship
8. Who will I visit and spend time with during the holidays and on my birthday
9. Who will protect me if a legal matter happens or some type of contract needs to be signed
10. Who can I count on…cousins, living aunts, uncles, friends, or neighbors
A short list on what can be prearranged to help me and others with disabilities who do not have siblings:
1. Parents can set up a “Special Needs Trust” to protect all inheritances without penalties or loss of services to their disabled child
2. Parents can legally prearrange a family member, friend, or an independent advocate (service provider) to attend to all financial, healthcare, and living accommodation needs
3. Parents should not be embarrassed to ask their siblings children (cousins to their child) for their support and care in the future
4. Parents should have family members and/or close friends read about, become educated, and understand the type of disability their child has and the disability issues that will continue throughout the life of their child
5. Parents need to set things up ahead of time, leave files with instructions on what to do and when to do it
Source of Information: Personal experiences and fears
Until Next Week, Stay Safe and Well!